Finding and Keeping a Lifetime Partner

Holiday Season is also a Love Season. Most People set this season for a very important event of their lives, thus they make it a point that this season will also be the most memorable for two couples who are much in love with each other, they do set this time to get married when they finally say they already found their love of a lifetime and wanted to keep them starting this period.

But do we really believe that as long as we love our partner, there could no other reason why not get married?

How sure are we that if both had agreed that if they got a great meal together, or had a great time doing an indoor fun, should always deserves a happy ending?

Oh well, I am not in the position of putting a note about married life but I just feel I wanted to share something when I read Dr. M. Marshall Woodard III article from my email account sent by a friend.

The article says….

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again:

"You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

Travel, eat, and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test?

Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?

Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. .

How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective. ...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.... It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye";

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self- esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keep You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But......... Only God keeps You Going!

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I think this article is really a good reminder especially for partners who plans to get married, and also to people who are in a doubt about their relationship.

Anyway, I still believe that it is really ONLY GOD THAT WILL ALWAYS KEEP US GOING!!

Things that make life easier ....... or not

I'm doin' a science research for my mom, and while doin' I've found something from my yahoo account which had been sent to me by a friend five years back.

This are some inventions that could make our life easier or maybe not..

Here is the list...(I put a little comments every after the pix)

1. CUP & COOKIES

Smart cup in which you can put 2-3 of your favourite cookies. You don't need extra plates. It's made for right handed and left handed.

I think I should have it at office and should always be on my table, imagine I could have my cookies on my cup of my coffee..nice!!!!

2.BANANA GUARD - Protect Your Banana!

Are you fed up with bringing bananas to work or school only to find them bruised and squashed? Banana Guard allows you to safely transport and storage individual bananas letting you enjoy perfect bananas anytime, anywhere.

Well, I really love bananas (with s- plural hehe) but this banana guard could only protect one banana..haayss!!

3.LOCK-CUP

Lock Cup - Anti-Theft Coffee Cup. Are you tired of others stealing your coffee cup? Well now there's a solution. The Lock - Cup has a hole which prevents most people from using it. Only the owner of the cup can use his/hers shaped key to close the hole.

Wow, if ever possible, I might give it as a gift to my boss hehe!!!

4.PENGUIN TEA TIMER

Making tea, though easy to do, is also time consuming. Once you pour the hot water into the cup, you must patiently hover over it, waiting for the tea to steep. Well, the Penguin Tea Timer happily does the waiting for you. Place your tea cup under the beak and set it to the desired time. As you turn the timer dial, the beak lowers the tea into the hot water. When time is up, a bell sounds and the penguin automatically lifts his beak, removing the tea bag from the water.

A tea timer??? Nice to have at work, might avoid being caught by the boss while making a tea during office hours hehe!!

5. TRANSPARENT TOASTER

You love toast, but you always burn it? Th en this invention us for you. This transparent toaster allows you to see the bread while it is toasting so you just have to take it out when the colour is right. This idea is based on a transparent heating glass technology.

I don't own any toaster, and if given a chance I might have this transparent toaster.

6. BUTTER CUTTER

One Click Butter Cutter controls your portion as an important part of staying healthy. This ingenious butter cutter delivers one standard pat with each click of the handle.

A butter cutter is good at office especially at 3pm merienda time where we have the Pandesal..

7. GIANT REMOTE

Never lose your remote again! With giant buttons, this extra-large remote is easy to use and impossible to lose. It's a 6-in-1 remote so you can use it to control your TV, VCR, DVD player, satellite, cable and auxiliary A/V device. It even features glow-in-the-dark buttons, so you can easily find the remote in the dark.

Wow, I could now avoid scolding bumbum (who loves to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at Disney Channel) everytime I needs the remote and I couldn't not find it, thus I could surely easily find it if I do have a giant remote hehe

8. DAYCLOCK

What day is today? You don't know? Then you need a DayClock. It's uniquely designed to keep track of weekly events like your golf day, card night, movie night, and so much more. It's ideal for vacations and cruises when it's easy to lose track of the day.

A daily reminder for a working mom like me, hmmmm not bad....

9. LASER SCISSORS

Cutting a straight line has never been easier. Just aim the pin-point laser and follow the line. The scissor blades are stainless steel and cut very clean with a micro serrated edge.

It could be a nice gift for Mam Tere, it might greatly help her on her passion...fashion...

10. ILUMINATING CAR SLIPPERS

Do you get up at night to drink water, go to the toilet...Do you wish you could see in the dark? Remarkably bright LED lights are triggered by your footsteps and light up the floor 30 feet in front of you; ultra-soft plush style are extra comfortable and cozy warm.

Perfect for Bumbum

11. "THE THING" - INFANT PILLOW

The Zaky is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mom to mimic the size, weight, touch, and feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development. The Zaky can help calm your baby and help your baby sleep better through the night.

It could be a great help for my two buddies..sooonnn to be mom again (hehe emphasizing "again") .

12. TRAVELER'S PHRASE BOOK T-SHIRT

If you are traveling a lot and don't always know the language of the country you are visiting, then this T-shirt is for you. It has a phrase book printed on it so just point a finger at the pictogram you need and then point it twice at the question mark, which means, "Where is it?" and in no time you have found what you were looking for... or not.

For the travelers who wants to put phrases in every places they go..

13. MODERN LADDER

Realy cool modern ladder.

Simply amazing..

14. LATEST DESIGN WAITER/WAITRESS TRAYS

Anatomic tray, for waiters. No more dropping trays.

Wow, mam alma should have this and use it during her demo class on her F & B subject.

15. WHEEL-MOVING BENCH

Whether you want to sit in the sun or in the shade, near the river or under the tree... now you have your movable bench, to sit wherever you like.

Cool, we could bring it anywhere we go....

Though, I haven't seen one of this 15 inventions, I think this things could make my life easier...hope I could own some of them if not all of them...