Holiday Season is also a Love Season. Most People set this season for a very important event of their lives, thus they make it a point that this season will also be the most memorable for two couples who are much in love with each other, they do set this time to get married when they finally say they already found their love of a lifetime and wanted to keep them starting this period.
But do we really believe that as long as we love our partner, there could no other reason why not get married?
How sure are we that if both had agreed that if they got a great meal together, or had a great time doing an
indoor fun, should always deserves a happy ending?
Oh well, I am not in the position of putting a note about married life but I just feel I wanted to share something when I read Dr. M. Marshall Woodard III article from my email account sent by a friend.
The article says….
When it comes to making the decision
about choosing a life partner, no one
wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a
divorce rate of close to 50%, it
appears that many are making serious
mistakes in their approach to finding
Mr./Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged
why they're getting married, they'll
say: "We're in love"; I believe this
is the #1 mistake people make when
they date. Choosing a life partner should
never be based on love.
Though this may sound "not politically
correct",there' s a profound truth
here. Love is not the basis for
getting married. Rather, love is the
result of a good marriage. When the other
ingredients are right, then the love
will come.
Let me say it again:
"You can't build a lifetime
relationship on love alone"; You need
a lot
more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask
yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common
life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put
it this way: If you're married for 20
or 30 years, that's a long time to
live with someone. What do you plan to
do with each other all that time?
Travel, eat, and jog
together? You need to
share something deeper and more
meaningful. You need a common life
purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or (2) you
can grow apart. 50% of the people out
there are growing apart. To make a
marriage work, you need to know what
you want out of life! Bottom line;
and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing
my feelings and thoughts with this
person?
This question goes to the core of the
quality of your relationship. Feeling
safe means you can communicate openly
with this person. The basis of having
good communication is trust - i.e.
trust that I won't get "punished" ; or
hurt for expressing my honest thoughts
and feelings. A colleague of mine
defines an abusive person as someone
with whom you feel afraid to express
your thoughts and feelings. Be honest
with yourself on this one. Make sure
you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.
QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined
and sensitive person. How can you test?
Here are some suggestions. Do they work
on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving
themselves? A teacher of mine defines
a good person as "someone who is
always striving to be good and do the
right ";.So ask about your
Significant other What do they do with
their time? Is this person
materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not
someone whose top priority is
character refinement.
There are essentially two types of
people in the world: (1) People who are
dedicated to personal growth and (2)
people who are dedicated to seeking
comfort. Someone whose goal in life is
to be comfortable will put personal
comfort ahead of doing the right
thing. You need to know
that before walking
down the aisle.
QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat
other people?
The one most important thing that
makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving,
we mean the ability to give another
person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone
who enjoys giving pleasure to others
or are they wrapped up in themselves
and self-absorbed? To measure this,
think about the following:
How do they treat people whom they do not have to
be nice to, such as waiters, bus
boys, taxi drivers, etc. .
How do they treat
their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the
people who have given them everything;
Can you do nearly as much for them?
You can be sure that someone who
treats others poorly, will eventually
treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm
hoping to change about this person
after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying
someone with the intention of
trying to "improve"; them after
they're married. As a colleague of mine
puts it: "You can probably expect
someone to change after marriage for
the worse" If you cannot fully accept this
person the way they are now, then
you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to
be difficult and treacherous. The key
is to try leading a little more with
your head and less with your heart. It
pays to be as objective as possible
when you are dating; to be sure to ask
questions that will help you get to
the key issues. Falling in love is a
great feeling, but when you wake up
with a ring on your finger, you don't
want to find yourself in trouble
because you didn't do your homework.
Another perspective. ...
There are some
people in your life that need to be
loved from a distance.... It's amazing
what you can accomplish when you let
go of or at least minimize
your time with draining, negative,
incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.
Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention... .Which ones lift and
which ones lean? Which ones encourage
and which ones discourage? Which ones
are on a path of growth uphill and
which ones are going downhill? When
you leave certain people do you feel
better or feel worse? Which ones
always have drama or don't really
understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect,
growth, peace of mind, love and truth
around you...the easier it will become
for you to decide who gets to sit in
the front row and who should be moved
to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you
get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye";
Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust,
pity, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-
esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open,
and don't fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as
faults aren't really that important.
Do you bring out the best in each
other? Do you compliment and compromise
with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control? What do you bring
to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to
alter them. You can't make someone
love you or make someone stay. If you
develop self-esteem, spiritual
discernment, and "a life"; you won't
find yourself making someone else
responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain. Seeking
status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
If these qualities are missing, the
relationship will erode as resentment
withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and
dishonesty; and pain will replace it.
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only God keeps You Going!
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I think this article is really a good reminder especially for partners who plans to get married, and also to people who are in a doubt about their relationship.
Anyway, I still believe that it is really ONLY GOD THAT WILL ALWAYS KEEP US GOING!!
